Hey Jealousy

So today's topic is jealousy. I bring it up because I have noticed i only get jealous for two things: if it involves something i want theatre/ acting wise, or if it involves someone i really love. I know that i am falling out of love with something of someone when i don't feel threatened by others trying to get it too. As a former catholic school girl, I have been taught that..

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"It does not envy." But there are times when my eyes are definitely green. But i know that i LOVE theatre and would do anything for it. The easy mature way to love it is to trust it and realise that there is enough in this world to go around and make every one's dreams come true. But what if that love is for a person, an individual and NO-- there is not an infinite supply of this person for everyone who wants him. The kind you would do anything for. Does the fact that i wanted to break some bitch's face for getting to close make my love anything less? Does it change what i call this feeling? Does it redefine it to something weaker?

I recognize that it leads to immature gut reactions like, "Bitch, I will drag you across this room by your jaw and beat you with the first thing i find on the other side!"

But i also recognize that it sets that person or thing apart from the rest. That it is a romantic, lusty love. Bc there is "Wanna do you" and then there's "I love you and will go through anything for/with you" and what i am talking about an elevated combo of the two. That exciting feeling is hard to come by so I guess i just need to learn how to balance those jealous feelings with trust. Trust that it can be mine if i want it to be.