Back and on Fire!!

Great weekend: check. plus.

This week was truly a battle of wills between what my mind sees and what is actually happening and also a battle between my mind and my heart. I called in the beginning of the week, i said " People only see what they want to see." and I became a shining example of my statement. This week I completely had the blinders on--well maybe not blinders, but some sort of distorted version of rose colored glasses. More like shit colored glasses, or demon colored glasses. Things that were not normally threatening were definitely a threat to me. Everything was overwhelming to the point of me crying and running in the other direction. Sad..lol but true and according to most people I've spoken to, totally valid. Though, i still feel it is not totally valid to give in to sinking feelings like that.

So, a few weeks worth of gradually building negative energy, extremely overwhelming days at work, rainy days, and feeling cynical about love (of all things)--well this all led to a breakdown/meltdown on Tuesday ( i couldn't make it to mid week..sad) Shaken up, i tryed to heal for the remainder of the week. I ended up getting a bad cold anyway so i had permission to just lay around and be. I had my show so i used that as an outlet. I had my friends who immediately just make me feel my best. And I also have my poems that i read to put me in perspective. And dancing all night with friends always helps :)

Most importantly and simply i took time just to tell my mind to SHUT THE FUCK UP and i told my mouth to smile. And let me tell you, you can't help to see the beauty in life when you do that. Its like when my Tai Chi teacher freshman yr told us to smile with our eyes..can we see through our smile?