Desiderata

This poem always brings me back when i lose perspective:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

--Max Ehrmann

Back and on Fire!!

Great weekend: check. plus.

This week was truly a battle of wills between what my mind sees and what is actually happening and also a battle between my mind and my heart. I called in the beginning of the week, i said " People only see what they want to see." and I became a shining example of my statement. This week I completely had the blinders on--well maybe not blinders, but some sort of distorted version of rose colored glasses. More like shit colored glasses, or demon colored glasses. Things that were not normally threatening were definitely a threat to me. Everything was overwhelming to the point of me crying and running in the other direction. Sad..lol but true and according to most people I've spoken to, totally valid. Though, i still feel it is not totally valid to give in to sinking feelings like that.

So, a few weeks worth of gradually building negative energy, extremely overwhelming days at work, rainy days, and feeling cynical about love (of all things)--well this all led to a breakdown/meltdown on Tuesday ( i couldn't make it to mid week..sad) Shaken up, i tryed to heal for the remainder of the week. I ended up getting a bad cold anyway so i had permission to just lay around and be. I had my show so i used that as an outlet. I had my friends who immediately just make me feel my best. And I also have my poems that i read to put me in perspective. And dancing all night with friends always helps :)

Most importantly and simply i took time just to tell my mind to SHUT THE FUCK UP and i told my mouth to smile. And let me tell you, you can't help to see the beauty in life when you do that. Its like when my Tai Chi teacher freshman yr told us to smile with our eyes..can we see through our smile?

Hey Jealousy

So today's topic is jealousy. I bring it up because I have noticed i only get jealous for two things: if it involves something i want theatre/ acting wise, or if it involves someone i really love. I know that i am falling out of love with something of someone when i don't feel threatened by others trying to get it too. As a former catholic school girl, I have been taught that..

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"It does not envy." But there are times when my eyes are definitely green. But i know that i LOVE theatre and would do anything for it. The easy mature way to love it is to trust it and realise that there is enough in this world to go around and make every one's dreams come true. But what if that love is for a person, an individual and NO-- there is not an infinite supply of this person for everyone who wants him. The kind you would do anything for. Does the fact that i wanted to break some bitch's face for getting to close make my love anything less? Does it change what i call this feeling? Does it redefine it to something weaker?

I recognize that it leads to immature gut reactions like, "Bitch, I will drag you across this room by your jaw and beat you with the first thing i find on the other side!"

But i also recognize that it sets that person or thing apart from the rest. That it is a romantic, lusty love. Bc there is "Wanna do you" and then there's "I love you and will go through anything for/with you" and what i am talking about an elevated combo of the two. That exciting feeling is hard to come by so I guess i just need to learn how to balance those jealous feelings with trust. Trust that it can be mine if i want it to be.

Pic of the Day (aka Pot'd)

So i am going to try to do this on the daily..Daily Pot'd updates. Say that fast and it kinda has the If You Seek Amy effect. Sounds like Pot Head. But that's not what has inspired the taking or interpretation of the following gift i give to you. Honest!

Picture of the day! courtesy of my iPhone which is lovingly named "Magic Wand"

This one is from Sunday. It was gorgeous. I just thought about the word gorgeous wouldn't it be f'd up if it translated to "full of gore". Any who:



Sometimes i see flowers like this :)

If I may..

If I may describe the picture:

I wall, a girl and a bomb inside her
But not one that ticks to disaster
Maybe it's not a bomb at all
Following the nature of bombs
Well time bombs,
It's has to go off and it's just a matter
A matter of fact.

(Yep, I am officially driving myself crazy.)

Hopefully when the time comes it will explode something lovely.
Or loving.

(oh yeah, loco bananas)