Tranquilo

Not just one of the latest Vitamin Water flavors (which is damn tasty, might i add).

From this moment forward i pledge to chill out. Like for real this time. Two conversations with a great friend taught me something. One conversation involved speaking mostly about qualities we would required people to have if they were to be friends with us. One of mine was of course imagination. one of his was the ability to sit around and do absolutely nothing with him. Like, just sit around and be peaceful. Just taking in the world, etc., with no judgement letting thoughts flow in and out of the mind as they will without dwelling too much on a particular subject.

Now this is something we do often together whether we are sitting around or taking one of our walks to remember. I have done it with others. I have done this with myself too. Well actually i haven't done it with myself lately and that shows. I have felt busier than i have felt since last yr, and last yr i was in my senior yr of college/ working/ acting in 3 different shows and projects for classes/ interning/ somehow socializing. i have been a little too concerned with A WHOLE LOT lately and the effects of it are visible in all sectors of my life from my home, to my body to, my health ( i got sick for the first time since i went veg a yr and a half ago)

Anyway, the second conversation barely had any words at all. But it was probably one of our best convo's ever though. We were drained from a long day of auditioning and starving, and that was partly the reason we were not so talkative. There was a lot of silence but it wasnt a bad thing and in about a half an hour i felt renewed and full again. Better actually. Reminded me of the times were i would do this regularly. Meditative. Just taking the time to feel the moment rather than dictate it is essential to life and should take up more of our time than planning and running up that endless flight of stairs that will get you to your happiness. The creative people we are, anytime a noteable thought would pop in to our minds we would talk about it briefly but the we would settle back--

Sorry OMG i just got up and reenacted the monologue i just saw on a rerun of Desperate House Wives.

--And well yeah i guess that proves it!! I need to act. I need to do these things. it is a part of me and has been ever since i was a little girl and pictured credits rolling in my mind before i entered my fake kitchen playset to play house with my cousins. And yes it requires me to be intense sometimes, and yes it can clutter the mind-- but taking time just to be..well just to "be" is what puts things in perspective. In a better perspective than making to do lists and planning to plan plans. I have goals. But instead if striving and barely surviving for them, i choose to live the peace the peace that comes with achieving them. And i can access them at any time including this present moment.

Poem: Feel that Teenage Skin

It's truly amazing to feel things falling into place.
Falling as they may/ haphazardly
Feeling confident that whoever is responsible
Believes this is the right move too.

It's an intricate game
A puzzle if you will
The rules are simple
The prize is gained by your freedom to choose

Days like this are why I believe
Why don't keep love to myself
It's how achieve

I can feel the pieces interlocking
There is no distance between things
So naturally, there's no stopping.

watching 17 kids and counting

I just watched 4 out of 17 kids get freaked out by a friendly waiter at a "fancy" restaurant. I wonder what they would think after 5 minutes in NYC..

Let me get you up to speed (dating)

Forgive me for I have sinned. It has been too long since my last post.

So today was a day of indulgence. Many drinks, many meals, many laughs and a whole lot of men. Today i dated 50 guys.

Your thoughts: You slut! and its a Sunday...

I went speed dating with two of my girls. It was a good time we met some interesting and some not so interesting peeps. A few really stuck out to me. Hopefully something positive will come out of this like an actual date. This is the first attempt of many to get out there into the dating scene this yr. The weather is getting warmer--time to emerge from hibernation with color, vigor and good vibes.

I had a breakthrough the other dia that needs to be blogged in but i am too tired to write about it. This actress must get her sanity rest.

I can make bananas!

Yes, you heard correctly. To you that might mean nothing or nonsense but to me it means that i can make anything happen.

So today wasn't a perfect 10. Not every day is. I am a big girl and i know that, but when it interferes with one of my passions (i know i have many) it sends me down a bit of a spiral.

So this passion that my non perfect day fucked with was acting. So let me rephrase a previous statement: My 2nd audition was not a perfect 10. (I just realized saying my whole day sucked is a bit dramatic considering its mid afternoon). And that was all i can think about for the hour following it.

It could have been avoided. I made a not so smart decision. After two phone convos, one short and one long, and a "scent journey" at Aveda I was feeling differently.

These are some things to remember and be thankful for today:

1. Today I finally, FINALLY was seen at an Equity call. For those of you who don't know the Actor's Equity Association has open calls for members. I am not one (yet, tee hee) and therefore have to wait for possibly hours on end for the possibility of being seen. To quote myself from one of my nightly aim convos, "i would rather sit there for hours on a 'maybe' than be comfortable at home on a definite 'no'". Of course you have to get there super early and sign up on a list so that way if they call only five people, you will be one of them. But today I got past the monitors table and into the room. And i got out before 12.

2. I had 2 auditions today! Not 1, but 2!! And the first one went really well :) It did-- the casting director said so. Hooray!

3.I have wonderful friends who help me in their own way. I am thankful for all of them even ones who i haven't seen in a while.

Quote of the Day ( So far..)

Me: I have a banana in my purse.
R: Eat it.
Me: Nah, I want something I can't make.
R: You can make bananas?

My Mom and American Idol

My Mom and her boyfriend take American Idol way too seriously. From 8-10 or what ever time block it is, they sit entranced by the TV.

When its Mom alone, she's loud enough. Screaming as loud as a full audience and clapping. She gives standing O's and applauds for a little longer than the standard time.

But Mom and Robert together--i might as well be there live. The energy in the sala is that of intense devotion, the kind that is felt during really important games during some sport season like soccer or the Olympics where its country against country. Rob has a notebook that he lists all the names in and the respective phone numbers to vote for them. He dishes out expert commentary that only someone who is not an expert can make. He circles the names that he intends to vote for and debates who will get his coveted votes as the night goes on. He drinks soda from a plastic wine glass. She eats chocolate covered pretzels. When anyone Latino(a) or from New York sings she cheers loudly, something like "YEAH NEW YORK!! WHOOO!!" or as she said for Jorge Nunez from Puerto Rico (she could not be contained), "WHOOOOO!! REPRESENT THE ISLAAAAAND!" She plucked me out of my room for him. "Come see the kid from Puerto Rico! He's skinny, and cute, and gay. You'll love him."

I'm suppose to be boycotting American Idol because they did not let in a certain skinny, cute, gay guy who i already have love for and is extremely talented. But i can't say no to Ma so i sat through it. He sung an Elton John song. He was good. But I know my friend, who is Richie if you couldn't figure it out, is better. My mom looks at me abruptly and states, "YOU HAVE TO VOTE." She said it almost with the same passion she used when she told me to vote for the '08 election only tonight she sounded a little more desperate.

Oh and Thalisha is also a reason i boycott the show because they didn't put her adorable singing self through either.

What can i say, I'm from the Bronx..i can't resist "shout out"..LOL